2011 Spring Break Symposium on Child Behavior

Friday March 4

5:40AM-6:30AM – light breakfast

6:30AM-6:40AM (living room) Presentation Dr. J, “Why you should drive me to school instead of taking the bus”

7:30AM – 8:00AM (backyard) Demonstration,  Dr. G, “How we water trees and pick up dog poop in the backyard”

8:00AM – 8:15AM (backyard) Presentation, Dr. D, “Why do our 2 year olds  touch dog poop when clearly instructed NOT to do so?”

8:00AM – 8:10AM, (various locations) Performance art piece, Dr. G, “I cry because you told me to wash my hands”

8:30AM – 9:00AM, (Nissan Sentra) Panel discussion (Dr. D, Dr. G), “The horseys on the training toothpaste, the bus we just passed and the balloon over there: what does it all mean?”

12:00PM-12:10PM, (church parking lot), Presentation (Dr. G) “Katie screamed today for no apparent reason: remote viewing child outbursts”

12:10-12:15PM, (Nissan Sentra), Performance art piece (Dr. G.) “No goldfish crackers for our Father/Daughter picnic?  You might as well have ripped my heart out”

12:15 – 12:30PM (Various locations through out Clarkston & Atlanta) Driving skills demonstration (Dr. D).  Note – advance purchase of tickets for this event is required.

12:30-12:45PM (Glennlake Park)  Performance art piece (Dr. D & Dr. G) “Peanut Butter Sandwiches & Goldfish Crackers on a Park Swing: a pastoral scene next to the tennis courts”

12:46PM (Southeastern United States)  Demonstration (God) “Watch how fast I  can make the temperature drop”

12:47-1:30PM (Nissan Sentra)  Performance art piece (Dr. D & Dr. G) “Peanut Butter Sandwiches & Goldfish Crackers  in a Nissan Sentra: a pastoral scene in the parking lot”

1:30-1:35PM (Nissan Sentra passenger seat) Presentation (Dr. J & Dr. G) “Changing a poopy diaper in tight places on a cold day: its not just for mothers any more”

2:00-2:15PM (Kid’s Room), Presentation (Dr. D) “Successfully speed reading your child into a nap: a balance between word rate and answering questions”

2:25PM Dr. J’s arrival

2:30-3:00PM (Dining & Living rooms) Reception for Dr. J (light fair)

Poster Sessions (2:30PM-3:30PM)

1 (Diego) “Techniques for finding every loud chew toy in the house”

2 (Dr. J) “Communicating joy through stomping and jumping: a demonstration of how low frequency sound travels directly into sleeping ears”

3 (Diego) “Substituting ink pens for loud chew toys: how to survive a nap period without losing your mind”

4 (Dr. D) “Blog updating: same as Farmville?  Allowing your children to explore their world on their own.”

5 (Dr. J) “Modeling Bug nests with legos: attention to detail counts!”

6 (Dr G) “Napping in a house with monkey piano players: techniques to ensure a better evening mood”

4:00PM (living room) Presentation (Dr. J) “Kissing booboos as first aid: what to do when Dad rams his god-damned knee into the god damned sharp corner of the god damned little end table thing”

5:15 – 5:30PM (living room sofa) Pre-dinner team building activity led by Dr J & Dr G entitled “No, this is MY sofa”.  Dr G will perform a simultaneous interpretive dance to encompany entitled “All of you suck, go away.”

Saturday, March 5

3:15AM – (kitchen) Presentation (scout ant #3256) “Accessing that bread crumb on the counter via the electrical socket: a new food source for the nest?”

6:45 – 7:30AM continental breakfast

6:30 – 8:30AM (kitchen) Presentation (Dr D) “Windex as an anti-formicidean agent”

6:45-7:00AM (kitchen & dining room) Performance art piece (Dr G) “ANTS! ANTS! SHHHRRRIEEEEKKK”

8:30-9:00AM (living room) Presentation, (Dr G) “Compulsory ring around the rosey: forcing those around you to play your games”**

8:30-9:00AM (living room) Presentation, (Dr J) “We have these Star Wars ships Dad, right? Dad? Right Dad? Right?”**

8:30-9:00AM (living room) Presentation, (Diego) “Jumping up & nibbling hands: advanced techniques for interruption of ring around the rosey games”**

8:30-9:00AM (living room) Presentation (Dr J) “Pew pew, pew pew pewww, peww peww pewww”**

** – do to a scheduling error, these four presenations are taking place in the same room at the same time.  Please split your brain into quarters and deal.

9:00-10:00AM (living room) Demonstration (Dr D) “Television as a partial CNS anesthetic: increasing our children’s cultural competency & reducing chronic high volume ear injury”

10:00AM (backyard) Presentation (Diego) “Chasing squirrels on muddy terrain”

10:00 – 10:10AM (living room window) Presentation (Dr.s J & G) “Rooting for the domestic carnivore against rodentia: shrieking as a means of communicating joy”

10:10-10:20AM (bathtub) Presentation (Dr D) “Practical interpretations of John 13:1-17 – infusing canine foot washing into the rainy day protocol”

10:10-10:20AM (bathroom) Performance art piece (Dr G) “DIEGO IS IN THE TUB, LOOK JAKE LOOK, SHHHRRRRIIIEEEEKKKK”

10:10-10:20AM (living room) Presentation (Dr. J) “Pew pew for the long term: successful managment of  your Star Wars fleet while under partial CNS depression”

10:20AM (kitchen & living room) Presentation  (Dr J) “Bringing Star Wars, marbles, muffins & blow up chemical bubbles to friend’s houses: how can we manage it all?”

10:30AM Native American Naming Ceremony

Dr. G: “Stands With Refrigerator Door Open Me-Yowing”

Dr. J: “Bad Attitude Demanding Cold Hot Dogs”

Dr. D: “Windex Ant Fighter”

Diego: “Gozer”

10:30-11:00AM (kitchen) Presentation (Dr D) “Challenging popular perceptions of lunch time: serving cold hot dogs at 10:30AM.  NO! Hot.  NO! Cold. NO! Hot.”

11:15 – 11:30AM (diniing room) Presentation (Dr’s J & G) “Preventing parental caloric intake through randomization and staggering of meal time requests”

11:31AM (dining room) Policy re-statement (Dr D) “We are not going to their house until you get your own underwear & put it on yourself.”

11:45 – 12:10PM (Nissan Sentra Backseat conference room)  Debate “Copyright issues in the cultural landscape: who exactly owns the sad little balloons on the used cars over there?”     Dr. J: “I do”  Dr. G: “NO YOU DO NOT. Hmmmph”  Dr J (rebuttal): “Hmphh”

12:00-5:00PM (various locations) Presentation (Dr G) “Increasing your 2 year old cuteness through heavy use of the word “fungi””

6:00 – 6:30PM (living room) Presentation (Dr J) “I should get MandMs because I was a good boy and went poddie before going into the bathtub”

7:00PM – Closing Ceremonies

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About SubOptimist

I am an Associate Professor in the Science Department at Georgia Perimeter College, Clarkston. I teach introductory biology courses at both the majors and non-majors level in addition to microbiology. Previous to that I spent 7 years as a postdoctoral researcher on different viruses. While I don't miss being on the "grant treadmill", I think better when I write and miss writing up data for papers and grants; this blog helps me with that a little. And sometimes my kids' insanely funny and cute antics need to be shared with the world. Any view expressed in this blog is that of me personally and not Georgia Perimeter College or the GPC Clarkston Science Department.
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